An all time low!

Since I’ve started losing weight I’ve gone down, and at times up. The whole time I had a goal to be below 250, while I’m not there yet, I feel that goal is within my grasp in the new few days. I am super excited. HOWEVER, what I can report is, today is officially the lowest I’ve been since I started losing weight, and its also the lowest I’ve been since meeting my husband.

Words cannot express how I feel right now. I felt at one point like I was a failure, that there was no way for me to loss weight. I felt (and was) so unhealthy, covered in a cloud of depression caused by my weight, I let it feed my weight gain. I would go out to buffets, binge on food, feel good for about 10 minutes, then be so depressed I wanted to cry. That sounds so pathetic to me now. I really don’t want to be one of those fat people you see on TV crying about how much they eat, but aren’t willing to change their habits. DAMNIT NO! I can honestly say without a doubt, I will never gain the weight back. Even if I fluctuate here and there I will NOT gain it back. I am so happy right now, I could cry from happiness. My husband is such a wonderful man, when I told him about my weight today he started cheering at me. Honestly I was embarassed (in a good way) how much praise he gave me. I was blushing so bright, smiling so wide, and so embarrassed I wanted to slap him.(lol) Maybe I’m too emotional about things. My husband was giving me a big hug the other day, after I complained about not being able to see my weight loss. Then in the cutest, most innocent, way he told me I was losing it off my back and sides. I was confused so I asked him to explain. He told me when he hugged me it was easier to put his arms around me, that I didn’t have as much fat on my back. I wanted to cry tears of happiness, all because my husband had noticed. Daniel isn’t the kind of guy to go around handing me flowers and showering me with compliments, so to receive one like that was more than he will ever know.

It’s so funny, I can only imagine what will go through my mind soon when I go below 250. Already my BMI is below 40 again, which is fantastic, when I started it was closer to 43. When I weighed myself this morning I got upset, I didn’t take a good look at the scale I thought it said 255.2. Some little voice in my head told me, “I think you want to check that again hun”. So of course me hearing strange voices, I took its advice. I turned back around and got on the scale again.

Not only did I not gain weight but I had yet again lost weight. So I’m sure by now you’re like “spit it out!” okay okay… I lost 2 pounds. I weigh 252.2, down from 254.2 yesterday. That may not seem like a lot to you, but to me I am so close to 250, and finally am below that dreaded 254 mark. I had this thing where every time I went to lose weight, I would lose around 30 pounds, get to 254, then my weight would go up again. I would either give up or gain it all back.

Well goodbye 254! I will NEVER see you again! (this is the point in writing where I actually shed a few tears)

Incase you are all wondering what I ate today, it was rather simple. I honestly didn’t feel hungry today, good or bad, who knows. I started the day late, for some reason I slept 12 hours, didn’t wake up until 3pm. I was surprised (in a good way) to find 1 bunch of my bananas were ripe enough to eat. So I started the day with 2 bananas and a 20oz glass of cranberry juice. About an hour later I had a 20oz glass of orange juice. About 3 hours later I had another 20oz glass of orange juice, sipping it off and on for another hour. I knew I needed some fats and protein so I had 2 tablespoons of natural organic peanut butter with 3/4 tablespoon honey drizzled in and mixed. Peanut butter never tasted so good. To end my day I decided to have a small boiled potato, 92grams to be exact, mixed with some roasted garlic and mustard. That was the perfect end to a happy day.

All in all I had 1401 calories, 23g protein, 302g carbs, 18g fat. Ratio was 06|82|12 . While I did lack a lot of vitamins and minerals today I think I’ll be okay since the body naturally stores a certain amount of vitamins/minerals. Tomorrow I’ll go back to a more well-rounded meal(s).

I’ll be working on some of my side pages tonight, I’ll also try to take a full body shot to compare it to one I took almost 2 years ago. I’m hoping to be able to SEE proof I am losing weight beyond numbers. Obviously I cannot tell looking in the mirror I’ve lost weight. I think my stomach doesn’t sag as much, maybe slightly smaller. My breasts still look the same, so I don’t think I lost it there, and my butt wasn’t that large to begin with. I’m honestly confused so I need to start seeing proof.